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FRIENDS COUNSELING

Photo by Sylvia Sassen

Moving abroad and living away from my family taught me one thing: Friends relationships are important asset to my well being. Friends relationships are as important as any other relationship. I come to the idea in 2019 that it is important to give them the same stage in counseling as we give to the romantic and parents’ relationships.

Structure of friendship counseling:

1. History review: In initial sessions, the focus is on the concern and its impact. We talk about the nature, duration, and quality of the friendship, what changed, and how differences started causing conflicts between you and your friend.

2. Dealing with emotional challenges: We will explore how you are dealing with the concern, how it is affecting you as a person, and what are the emotional consequences. Usually we were able to express our emotions to our friend, but because of the existing conflict we probably cannot express it fully anymore. During the therapy I create a safe space where both sides can express their emotional states regarding the setback.

3. Building awareness: In a therapy session, psycho-education and building awareness is an important part. A counselor helps to delve deeper into ideas of friendship, expectations, attachment style, boundaries and (un)met emotional needs.

4. Follow-up: Follow-ups are aimed to see how your friendship is doing after counseling and to work on any potential setbacks.

In case you are having trouble in an important relationship with a friend and you would like to work things through in safe environment please feel free to contact me through this form.

Please note that unfortunately I don’t offer coverage through your health insurance (“Versicherung”) for counseling sessions.

COUPLES COUNSELING IN ENGLISH

Photo by steven sim

I offer couples counseling in English or Slovenian language. For counseling you can come to my office in Berlin, Germany or we can do it online. Couples counseling lasts 12 sessions. After that we can always agree to do another cycle of 12 sessions.

To apply for Couples counseling you can contact me through this application HERE.

Please note that unfortunately I don’t offer coverage through your health insurance (“Versicherung”) for counseling sessions.

How I work with couples?
In my couples work I use Emotional focused therapy and the Gottman method. Both methods are well researched and based on empirical evidences. Gottman’s research has shown that in every couple’s relationship there are some topics that we are always fighting about. How many times have you said or heard: “Why do I have to tell you this again? We have already discussed this so many times”? Usually we use one of the following strategies to fight about our conflicts according to Emotional focus therapy (EFT):

  1. Attack – Attack (“Why am I the only one who takes care of the finances?” – “The only one? Really, I never saw the laziest person. You sure are not taking care of anything!”)
  2. Attack – Withdraw (“Why am I the only one who takes care of the finances?” – Goes quiet, doesn’t respond, move to the other room)
  3. Withdraw – Withdraw (nobody feels like raising disagreement is worth it)

In my couple’s therapy we will look at this pattern and explore what is going on behind it. If we don’t know what our unmet needs are, we often just react to a hurtful situation without thinking, rather than turning inside, checking in and figuring out what the pain is about. The goal of therapy is being able to understand your and your partner’s pain, being able to hear each other and feeling understood by your partner by also learning a new way to communicate with one another.

Please note that when the infidelity is a reason why you choose to come to me, we need to do one additional step first. Infidelity is a very painful betray and complete lost of trust in relationship. During counseling we will first look at all the feelings and thoughts that came with one of the partners having an affair. Once all of us will have a feeling that we have talked things through, we will move towards improving communication and creating a better foundation in your relationship.  Due to complexity counseling can last more than 12 sessions.

Also, you are more than welcome to come in case you are already divorced and want to improve your communication, co-parenting, or you feel the need to get closure in your relationship in order to move on.

I notice couples are frequently coming to counseling late in their relationship struggles. In case you have recognized that it is hard to “get to the bottom of the problems” and you are trying to push you feelings aside, it is a good time to come to therapy. Save

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