In this article (Part IV) I want to take a deeper look at some of the research that was done regarding relationship between Borderline parent and children in comparison to mothers that don’t suffer from BPD.


Studies have found that interactions between mothers with BPD and their baby are characterized by insensitivity, high levels of intrusion, and low levels of positive response to infant distress. Mothers with BPD smile less, touch and imitate their infants less, and play fewer games with their babies. They often have difficulty identifying and appropriately responding to their children’s emotional state. These unmet psychosocial needs at critical moments of development increase risk of disorganized attachment and rob children of security, comfort, and safety from the very beginning of their lives. Newman and colleagues found that infants of BPD mothers aged 3 to 36 months were less attentive and less interested in interactions with their mother during a free-play interaction compared to infants of healthy control mothers.

Macfie and Swann examined mother-child attachment in 30 preschoolers (4-7years) in comparison to 30 children with healthy mother-child bond. They discovered that role reversal was significantly more likely to be present in the narratives of children with a BPD mother. More negative parent-child relationship expectations, such as the relationships characterized by danger and/or unpredictability were also found in the preschooler’s narratives. The children also exhibited greater fears of abandonment. Lastly, the children of BPD mothers also showed more incongruent (e.g. the child cleans his/her room then ruins it) and shameful self- representations (e.g. the child says he/she is bad) in the narratives.

School-age children
Different studies showed that children of mothers with BPD have more psychiatric diagnoses, such as ADHD and higher rates of BPD symptoms in childhood. These children also reported more cognitive and interpersonal vulnerability, such as a negative attributional style, ruminative response style, dysfunctional attitudes, self–criticism, insecure attachment style, and excessive reassurance seeking. Adolescents
Adolescents whose mothers had BPD exhibited more attention problems, delinquency, aggression, more anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem. In general BDP mothers reported that they feel less satisfied, less competent and more distressed with their parenting abilities.

DSM IV criteria for Borderline Personality Disorder

  1. Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment.
  2. A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.
  3. Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.
  4. Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., promiscuous sex, eating disorders, binge eating, substance abuse, reckless driving).
  5. Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, threats, or self-mutilating behavior such as cutting, interfering with the healing scars (excoriation) or picking at oneself.
  6. Affective instability due to marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days).
  7. Chronic feelings of emptiness and worthlessness.
  8. Inappropriate anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights).
  9. Transient, stress related paranoid ideation, delusions or sever dissociative symptoms. (APA, 2000, pp. 292-293)
BPD can often occurs together with other psychiatric problems, particularly bipolar disorder, depression, anxiety disorders, substance abuse, and other personality disorders.

My movie recommendation for understanding BPD dynamic: 
Mommie Dearest

In case you want to deepen your understanding of your relationship with your parents, please take a look at my online workshop “Mending our childhood wounds and patterns” HERE.

This workshop will help you with understanding the patterns, roles and attachment you are having in your family dynamic and will shine the light on your behaviors and wounds you are carrying with you. It will also teach you how to deal with your emotions that will evoke through this self-discovery.

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